Good morning children, do you know who this is? Look at his white hair; his small, dark eyes, the way he sits on his bicycle, backpedalling furiously. Yes, that's right, it's Rupert the Bare Faced Liar.
He's been on an errand for his mother. He's been out gathering small juicy nuggets to spoon feed to his bestest friends and followers. Look, there's a photo of a female pop star sniffing cocaine. And there's a professional football player having a secret tryst with a lady who isn't his wife. What a naughty footballer. I bet he goes down easily in the box.
Tee hee hee.
But shhh, don't tell mummy. Rupert has some secret goodies that he keeps just for his closest friends. If you look very carefully, just peeking out from under his scarf is a box with a red top. And in that box are his darkest treats. Everyone wants them but nobody wants to know where he gets them. Rupert earns himself a lot of sweeties by selling the things in that red topped box.
Oh look, here comes one of the woodland creatures, all red flaming and wild. Yes, it's Raggety Brooks. She's not a very nice creature is she children? NooooOOOooo. We don't like Raggety. Booooo. Hissssss.
But Rupert likes Raggety. He gets most of his dark treats from Raggety. She uses her magic to find out things that other people want to know but don't want to know where it comes from. Her magic helps Rupert earn his sweeties.
Uh-Oh. Here comes Rupert's mummy. He hasn't noticed and she's standing right behind him while he hands out treats from his secret red topped box. Look out Rupert!
'RUPERT!' shouted his mummy, 'What are you doing?'
'Oh, dear' Said Rupert. 'Nothing mummy; just doing my duty as a good bear, highlighting corruption and scandal in public life'.
'No you weren't' said his mummy, 'you were hacking into dead children's mobile phone records weren't you?'.
'Oh, no mummy, I would never do that, that would be very very naughty indeed'.
'What's in that red topped box?' asked his mummy sternly.
'Nothing mummy, nothing at all' said Rupert and he threw the red topped box away, spilling all its secrets into the long grass.
'That was a very bad thing to do' said Rupert's mummy crossly. 'Think of all those people who have to tidy up your mess after you'.
'But it was Raggety mummy, Raggety made it all happen with her flaming red magic, yes, and Badger Bill, he worked for her, and he stole lots of things from the dead children and gave them to the hungry creatures who wanted them but didn't want to know where they came from, they did it mummy, not me, I'm a good bear with nothing but the public interest at heart'.
'Reeeeeeaaaaally? Are you sure?'
'Yes mummy, cross my heart and hope to get a custard pie in the face if I'm lying'.
'Good boy Rupert' said his mummy, 'Now hurry home, I've refilled the trough for you, I know how you like to stick your nose right into it'.
'Thank you mummy' said Rupert the Bare Faced Liar, 'I'll be home in a few minutes. I've just got to visit my old friend Sean and thank him personally for sending you to find me today.'