David Cameron and Rebekah Brooks have been chosen by theatre impresario, Sir Cameron Macintosh to star as Punch and Judy in his latest musical extravaganza “That’s Not the Way to Do it.” The likely to be soon ex-premier will be premiered at the end of Clacton Pier along with his long suffering country cousin, before going on a world tour of shame.
“I’m really excited about the new show, “said Cameron Macintosh, “They’ll start off with a kiss and tell and then take part in a merry old dance before Judy begs Mr. Punch to look after little Rupert, their baby.”
According to tradition Mr Punch will fail to carry this task out appropriately, as with any task he has ever been given in the past.
“I won’t be hitting baby Rupert”, said Mr Cameron “but I definitely won’t be kissing him either, that’s just ‘so gay’. I might however sit on him or hold him down by the throat or alternatively put him through my sausage machine.”
With a musical score penned by the legendary Gary Glitter the show is set to take the world by storm.
“We searched high and low for as many bad eggs as we could find,” said Mr Macintosh, “So we are delighted with our line up. We couldn’t have got a better one if we’d trawled through Met records.”
“My role,” said Mrs Brooks “will mirror my life and work at News International. I get the chance to be outraged, throw hissy fits and to flounce about with a big stick to knock the shite out of Mr Punch, before the old bill arrives.” Sir Paul Stephenson or John Yates are hot favourites for the role of the policeman.
The show is also hoping to encourage audience interaction to goad the players throughout the production. “There’ll be plenty of hissing and booing which these guys are used to, but we’ll probably draw the line at people throwing tins of tomatoes.” said Mr Macintosh.
A special guest appearance, by former prime-minister Gordon Brown, has been mooted in the role of Joey the Clown. He will produce a string of sausages, representing his legacy which Mr. Punch must then look after.
The arrival of a crocodile, played by Nick Clegg will surprise Mr. Punch and their subsequent comic struggle will leave him desperately in need of a Spin Doctor played with gusto by Andy Coulson.
“We were going to introduce Jack Ketch the hangman at this stage, said Mr Macintosh but unfortunately Tony Blair was unavailable. So we’ve settled for the Devil arriving for Punch and Judy which will certainly give the show an uplifting end.
A special preview is also being organised for charities, sports personalities, disgraced MPs and broken celebrities.