ITV's latest reality TV show has been widely condemned as 'irresponsible' by industry insiders. 'So you think you can flounce' encourages bright new egos to throw a massive wobbler in front of a live audience, but the industry watchdog is demanding warnings not to copy the performances at home. In a statement, OfOnone claimed "some of these acts could easily result in a thick ear."
"We're really proud of this project, and we should be getting a lot more credit for it", said Dylan Yawsmith, who considers himself to be the world's leading tantrumologist. "We've very cleverly worked out that people aren't interested in whether people can sing, juggle or make their pets dance. They just want to see a mental go pop."
The show does away with the traditional final rounds and is made up of 20 episodes of auditions. Many contestants fail to make it to the stage, falling out with their partners, inanimate objects or the weather well before appearing in front of the judges. But Eric Mould, a 34 year-old Goth from Wolverhampton, is already the bookies' favourite, after a staggering performance in the Birmingham auditions.
Eric blew up twice on the way to the stage, once when he was asked to wait while the previous act was still performing and a second time when he was offered a biscuit. "I've never been so insulted", sobbed Eric. "I only eat blinis."
The judges were clearly impressed that Eric's act was to bless them with his presence, and his stirling performance was rounded off by punching the stage manager, who had refused to illuminate Eric with powerful black lights and a 200-ft hologram of the devil. "It's a conspiracy, they know I'm great. They hid behind the so-called 'laws of physics' to undermine me" shouted Eric, whilst clenching his angry little fists.
Producers are planning a spin-off show, called 'Don't You Know Who I am?'. The show will include highlights from in-queue slanging matches, and tips on fist care and toy retrieval. They have also promised to offer councelling to runners-up, who may have been traumatised by their experiences. Yawsmith explained: "There's a few simple exercises that can be done on our big, mirrored pommel horse. They can use it to see if they can get over themselves."