Sainsbury’s is to film a series of TV adverts with new ‘guest’ stars like Rebekah Brooks and Nick Clegg, specially chosen for being “more popular than Jamie Oliver”.
Following the departure of TV chef Oliver after 11 years of irritating people during advertisement breaks as well as in his interminable programmes, the superstore plans to match celebrities to the products they will endorse.
Brooks will be the first guest star, in a series of promotions for Sainsbury’s new mobile phone range. Her News International boss Rupert Murdoch has signed up for an advertisement for toilet paper.
Nick Clegg will promote Sainsbury’s range of pet products under the slogan “Everybody needs a dumb animal to make them feel better – and to blame for the shocking smell emanating from under the table.”
The front man for Sainsbury’s ‘Feel the Love’ campaign will be Ryan Giggs, promoting the sales of romantic gifts such as flowers and chocolates. Manchester Utd team-mate Wayne Rooney will star in adverts for two ranges – beauty products and potatoes.
And in a real coup, the Duchess of Cambridge will be responsible for selling a range of desserts so packed full of sugar they make you feel physically sick.
A spokesman for Sainsbury’s said: “We feel this is the way forward for celebrity endorsement, though to be honest we might have made a bit of a blunder getting Eric Pickles to do the health food films.
“We’re going to move into subliminal advertising next, using stars like Katie Price to symbolise brand loyalty and emphasising that Sainsbury’s is the intelligent choice with the help of Kerry Katona. She’s filming some adverts for nasal sprays, too.”
Other superstores are thought to be following suit with personalised celebrity endorsements, though Piers Morgan has denied ubiquity and sheer cheapness make him the ideal “face of Lidl” and Paris Hilton refused to see any link with Waitrose’s “pointlessly expensive” campaign.
However, Beelzebub has confirmed he will replace Prunella Scales in Tesco advertising: “I think we’ll be good for each other,” he said. “I’ll persuade people to stick with Tesco or it's trident up the Jacksie time, and from my own point of view I’ve always aspired to their levels of evil power.”
Sainsbury's replace Jamie Oliver with more popular stars - like Rebekah Brooks
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Sainsbury’s is to film a series of TV adverts with new ‘guest’ stars like Rebekah Brooks and Nick Clegg, specially chosen for being “more popular than Jamie Oliver”.Posted 4 years ago #
I think Wayne Rooney would be good for haircare products and lotions to treat rashes.
4.99*Posted 4 years ago #
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