Pundits say Terry and Liz Picnic could be the first Britons to grab gold at London 2012 after a shock development in the debut Olympic sport of dogging.
The Picnics are now hot favourites for glory in the wake of the controversial disqualification of the top-seeded French entrants for illegal ball-handling during qualifying events.
Now Terry and Liz are stepping up training to three or four nights a week in the lead-up to the 2012 games. “It’s exhausting, but it’ll be worth it for a gold medal,” muttered Terry distractedly as journalists tried to peer inside a steamed-up Ford Focus.
Dogging is the only Olympic sport for which ticketing has not been a problem – none have been for sale, as spectators simply have to turn up at the stadium after dark in a furtive manner.
An expensive, all-mod-cons Olympic dogging stadium has been built in woodland near a park on the outskirts of Stafford.
The Picnics are highly fancied for gold for their skill in the technical merit aspects of the sport, though they admit they need to work on their artistic impression. “It’s incredibly difficult to concentrate when the judges are all pressing their faces to the windows,” said Liz.
They scored a string of six 5.8s in the recent European championships in the car park of a derelict factory in Belgium after impressing with a Flying Seven Recalcitrant Camels in their final run.
TV dogging pundit Stan Collymore said: “The Picnics have pushed up the bar, and lots of other things besides. Their performance at the UK Dogging Centre round the back of the golf course, particularly playing the back nine, won rapturous applause from all the footballers present.”
The Picnics seized their opportunity to top UK qualifying for the Olympics after their nearest rivals, Joe and Sally Crushing, were hit by injury: Joe piked too soon when attempting the twist on a Triple Reverse Donkey and suffered a nasty sprain.
Terry said the couple are still experimenting with routines for the Olympics, and may consider an unprecedented Double Gentleman’s Excuse-me to seal gold.
“People say dogging shouldn’t be in the Olympics,” he said, “but if we were gay and smiled rather than straight, grimacing and pouting, it would be just like synchronised swimming.”
*** Big hat-tips to Quaz, Ironduke and Dick Everyman; apologies for re-submitting – not sure how to edit the original after taking too long to sort it out.
Britons go for gold in Olympic dogging
(1 post) (1 voice)
Pundits say Terry and Liz Picnic could be the first Britons to grab gold at London 2012 after a shock development in the debut Olympic sport of dogging.Posted 3 years ago #
You must log in to post.