British Gas has today announced that they will be increasing their amount of gas price increase announcements by 50% with effect from the start of next month.
The announcement will come as another blow to British consumers already struggling to cope with rapidly increasing levels of price increase announcements. Consumer groups have warned that customers can only absorb so many price increase announcements before they start to lose track of exactly what they are meant to be complaining about.
‘Many households are already struggling to remember what is increasing,’ said spokesman Mike Ward. ‘Just the other day I spoke to an elderly woman who was so confused that she was tutting at the price of a pint of milk instead of the extra 8p on her loaf of bread. Before you know it people will be complaining about a further increase in petrol prices when the latest increase is actually on cheese.’
British Gas, however, is adamant that the announcement of the increase in the announcement of increases is necessary due to several increases in the number of announcements of increases in wholesale gas prices.
‘We have been absorbing announcements of increases for the last 12 months, saving them up and announcing one big increase but customers don't seem to like it,' said Chairman Sir Roger Carr ‘Henceforth, we will announce four 5% increases instead of one of 20%. This has a double bonus because most people are too thick to work out that the total increase will be more.'
Ofgem have said that, in response to this announcement, they considered increasing their levels of announcements about conducting a price investigation but they decided against it. 'Fuck it, no-one's listening and at the end of the day, Manchester City need the money,' an Ofgem spokesman said.
[Ably assisted again by Mr Ox Bridge esq.]