Legendary fashionista, Gok Wan is recovering in hospital today following a freak accident at the Blue Water shopping centre, in Kent. The host had just announced his line-up of 're-cycled girlfriends' at the world famous fashion show when he unfortunately slipped on a sequin, somersaulted through the air and then disappeared head first up his own anus to a rapturous round of applause.
The St John Ambulance crew were first on the scene, but despite efforts to extract his head with forceps and tubes of KY, kindly donated by Boots the Chemist on Level 3, the fashion guru remained stuck fast.
“We did all we could at the time but his sphincter had really taken hold so we had to call in the paramedics,” said Tracey Bleasedale from the St John Ambulance team. “It didn’t help when a bunch of feminists started chanting ‘kill the fucking fashion fascist!” before storming into Anne Summers on Level 1 with placards showing fully clothed fat women and coming out with arm fulls of rampant rabbits.”
Another witness, Linda Savage of ‘Sweet Sensations’ confectionary on Mezzanine Level 3 said, “It was amazing, one second he was saying that we were all going to be absolutely gob-smacked by what we were about to see, and the next there was a muffled shout as his head disappeared up his arse crack. I was weighing a bag of jelly babies at the time so I thought it was really ironic.”
Angry shoppers demanded their money back from centre officials until they were informed that it was free show.
A spokesman from the Blue Water shopping centre confirmed that there had been ‘an incident’ earlier and that a ‘young man’ who they thought may have been of oriental origin had been taken to hospital. They were keen to point out that all health and safety procedures had been taken out including 'wet floor announcements' and the distribution of yellow trip hazard signs in five different languages. “We believe that this was a rogue sequin.”
In true show biz style the show eventually went on with Gok Wan replaced by Horace the Performing Duck, a speciality act flown in from Ramsgate.
Mr Wan is now recovering in hospital and is expecting to make a full recovery in the care of his ward sisters.