Male impotency levels in the UK have a direct correlation to the upsurge in women wearing black leggings, a study by the British Medical Association has revealed. The study, which was conducted over two years, and now published in this month’s British Medical Journal has sent shock waves throughout the medical profession.
Dr Nigel Chakrabati who led the study said “We set up trials outside high street outlets such as McDonalds and Peacocks using male volunteers in strict laboratory-like conditions. They were then asked for their reaction to women wearing black leggings. The results were quite dramatic.”
Several men were taken ill after being subjected to a parade of large women clad in the offending leggings whilst others pleaded to be released before the trial was over. “Whilst we sympathised with our trial group they had signed up to the whole process and so the trials had to continue. We found that tight leggings worn with a combination of tattoos on pale white flesh caused the most serious reactions." said Dr Chakrabati.
The male volunteers wore electro cardiographs and their neurological processes were recorded as they looked at the external stimuli. “Erectile dysfunction linked to nausea was found in a large number of our subjects and although we would have liked to have continued further with the experiment we were conscious of causing long term psychological damage.”
One volunteer, recorded only as ‘Dave’ gave his comments after the test. “It was terrible. There was one pushing a buggy and eating a burger at the same time. The leggings seemed to have a life of their own and I broke into a cold sweat. Although I volunteered I might sue for what these Frankensteins have put me through.”
The BMA is now looking at the effects on men who live with a long term legging wearer, in the hope of finding a solution to the rise in impotency.