Sun columnist Katie-Jo, 23, from Leicester has complained that the paper is still confining her to the 'News in Briefs' column, despite her nuanced, wordy style being better suited to two-page features. The sultry brunette has worked for The Sun since she was 19 and from Derby, but has never had more than 25 words printed in a single day, although her norks have frequently occupied a full page.
'Last week, for instance, I wrote 1,800 words on the the role of the monarchy in Commonwealth countries and how royal tours continue to cement our ties with former colonies even as trade ties weaken,' said Katie-Jo, 34-24-34. 'But what did they print? 'Katie-Jo, 23, from Leicester is happy that Wiliam and Kate's Canadian tour went so well. 'It's wonderful to see them so happy together. Diana would have been proud' she said'. What a travesty.'
Sun insiders have advised Katie-Jo to be patient, telling her that a picture often says as much as a thousand words, especially if it contains a terrific pair of norks. However, she has warned that unless she is given more opportunities to expound on her philosophy, she may have to consider drastic alternatives.
'Nuts magazine pays better and you get to write about all kinds of things, like how you once had sex in a lift,' she said. 'But I'm hopeful we can compromise. Maybe they can just print my picture at the top right. HR have told me they can do this, though they don't have any pictures of me with a top on. They do it like that with Johann Hari at the Independent and I hope one day he will plagiarise me too, though admittedly I don't suppose anyone wants to see his norks.'
[From original idea by Vertically Challenged Giant]