The closure of the Daily Prophet was announced today, following allegations that a rogue reporter used an illegal hex. Many people feel sympathy for the staff of The Daily Prophet, most of whom have nothing to do with the hexing scandal. But most believe that they should have at least seen it coming.
In a written statement, Dumbledore announced today that interfering with owls was a very serious offence. "Aside from the fact that most of the owls are protected species, its immoral to go sneaking around behind them. It gives them neck-ache". The statement was delivered by a large Snowy Owl, but it had been published by the Daily Prophet yesterday.
There have been counter-claims that Dumbledore overlooked the use of invisibility cloaks, so that people close to his cause could hack conversations. A spokesman for the paper announced "Snape is convinced one of his easily-misconstrued chats with the caretaker was interrupted by a phantom belch and a giggle, but he blamed it on ghosts at the time. Now he feels violated, he's sure it was an undercover reporter".
Further information came to light last night that The Daily Prophet had been tracking use of the Floo Network, and had been logging the comings and goings of several prominent Quidditch players. Since the news of the surveillance broke, the Ministry of Magic has been inundated with applications for super-injunctions.
Recent cases have shown that very strong magic is used in these injunctions to ensure that they are not broken by loose-lipped witches and wizards, with St.Mungoe's Hospital for Magical Maladies reporting that the symptoms of those who have broken the injunctions feature the tendency to burp up slugs, experience an outbreak of acne forming the word 'sneak' and also the slightly more sinister howling like a werewolf everytime they attempt to speak.
There are suspicions that an evil, all-powerful warlock is behind these infringments on wizardly privacy. Skilled in the arcane dark arts, this individual strkes fear into the hearts of magical practitioners and Muggles alike.
Rupert Murdoch was unavailable for comment.