Media chiefs have confirmed they are to bring forward the pitiless character assassination of the Duchess of Cambridge by six months.
The move follows urgent appeals from Buckingham Palace.
An insider said “The toadying, grovelling and fawning have become too sickening even for the Royal Family.”
It is rumoured the Duke of Edinburgh has been urging the Palace press team to “get that bloody James Hewitt out of retirement and see if the bugger fancies a go”.
Newspaper editors have confirmed that bugs are now in place on the Duchess’s phone lines, and the first opinion pieces slyly discussing her thinness are being written.
It is thought the campaign may ramp up to a full Sarah Ferguson as soon as September.
The Palace insider said: “The sooner we can pass from Princess Diana to X Factor Winner - complete oblivion – the better. Anyway, we’ve sold out of tea towels.”
A spokesmanpersontype for the Guild of Newspaper Editors said media figures would be pleased to have the chance to divert attention from the phone tapping scandal and reassert “traditional values that have made British newspapers what they are today.
“Journalists will be glad to refocus their attention on the core values of their profession,” he or she said, “such as endlessly creating vacuous eye candy celebrities who are then ruthlessly destroyed to the deafening sound of packs of readers baying for blood and nudity.”
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Duchess's pitiless abuse by media to be launched early, editors confirm
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offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago # -
FraserWords
offlineMemberTa... bet you a Kate Middleton commemorative mug that if I post this again in six months time it'll be fact, not fiction!
Posted 1 year ago # -
FraserWords
offlineMemberI wondered about adding in some of my Leonard Cohen thang:
"The Palace acted after hearing reports that legendary Canadian godfather of gloom Leonard Cohen has been cured of a lifetime’s addiction to miserable songs thanks to the Duchess of Cambridge.
Cohen met the Duchess and that bald bloke she tows around with her on their tour of Canada and declared: “It’s nothing but Justin Bieber hits for me from now on,” before donning a pair of comedy breasts and launching into a chorus of “I am h-a-p-p-y”.
Thousands of Canadians have had spontaneous orgasms during the Duchess’s tour of their rather boring country, and she has won legions of new fans thanks to her lovely loveliness and ability to wear dresses."
Any good?Posted 1 year ago #
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