Musicians Craig and Charlie Reid were released on bail last night after being charged with aggravated sexual harrassment. It is alleged that the Scottish twins had walked 500 miles and then walked 500 more to throw themselves at the Brighton home of Jenifer Davenport, a 28-year-old primary school teacher who they had become infatuated with.
'It's been a nightmare,' sobbed Davenport, who first met the duo at a summer festival last year. 'I'll admit I was flattered when they said that when they went out they wanted to be the man who goes along with me and that when money came in for the work they did they'd pass almost every penny on to me. But to be honest, doing twins is more of a man's fantasy than a woman's - and anyway, just look at them.'
Having made their vow, the Proclaimers set out from their homes in Edinburgh two weeks ago, each carrying 50 pounds of deep fried glucose for sustenance. Because Davenport's home is only 464 miles from theirs, it is alleged, they took detours via Anglesey and Land's End to make up the full thousand.
'At the end of it, they simply declared that they were the men who'd walked 1,000 miles to fall down at my door and did just that,' said Davenport. 'They didn't even want a shag, apparently, though they did say something about havering to me, whatever that means. Weird.'
Sussex police said that they were relieved that the consequences were not worse, given the recent rash of ill-conceived romantic gestures by pop stars. Boy George is reportedly living on benefits after an ex took up his offer of everything he owned just for the chance to talk to him once again, while Prince has repeatedly died 4 u, or at least his career has.
Last year, Bryan Adams was imprisoned for punching an American woman who he told he would fight for, lie for, walk the wire for and die for, when she asked if in that case he wouldn't mind stopping singing that fucking awful song for her. Meanwhile, Meatloaf has criticised them all of his colleagues for their behaviour, adding that he would do anything for love but he wouldn't do that.
[hat tip to ianslat]