What would you do with a time machine? Correct past mistakes, visit your future self or even to sleep with Mary and be the father of Jesus?
Well these possibilities and many others are now possible thanks to one genius inventor.
The Man himself, Eric Pickles MP, revealed his time machine yesterday and has been telling his adventures to a growing press pack.
“Well I thought of the idea back in 1996, I was tucking into a great Vinadoo at the Delhi Belly when I thought this meal is so great I could eat here every day for the rest of my life. But, alas, a fire closed my heaven down, and so I vowed that very day to invent a time machine capable to take me back 3 times a day for my grub”
When asked if he had travelled anywhere else, experienced times we can only read about in books or imagine Pickles replied, “Why would I bother? I have everything I need right there in 1996. Although I am tempted by the 2002 red roast duck curry of the year I can wait, seeing I have all the time in the world!”