The cost to British taxpayers of funding the Queen's spending has dropped by £1.8m after Her Majesty's eBay account was suspended by the Keeper of the Privy Purse. Speaking at a press conference Sir Alan Reid explained his staff had moved last year to curb the Head of State's internet spending after discovering it had "spiralled out of control".
The problem originally came to light after officials noticed vastly increased volumes of packages moving in and out of Buckingham Palace and decided to investigate. Further inquiries revealed that the Queen had spent a significant portion of her limited free-time buying up huge quantities of goods on eBay including assorted corgi paraphernalia, rare Daniel O’Donnell imports, and Andy McNab first editions.
In order to keep her online shopping sprees under wraps she used a variety of assumed logins such as LusciousLiz, HelenMirrenInDisguise and LonelyGirl85 and supplied as her address Dunroamin, The Mall, London after tipping off her postman.
After finding her feet on the site, Her Majesty had registered as a seller in order to offload many of the official gifts she had been presented with over the years by foreign dignitaries. These included 29 Breville Sandwich Toasters, 52 George Foreman grills and a selection of “supposedly” priceless artefacts from African nations whose provenance she highly doubted. But tellingly, her 82% rating as a seller shows that she did not value repeat custom.
It is thought Her Majesty was introduced to the internet auction site after hosting a dinner at the Palace with the Blairs. Cherie waxed lyrical about the potential for a bargain not to mention the fact other punters would buy almost anything, even bits of scrap paper with Tony's scrawled signature on, many of which she had forged herself.
Sir Alan was ashamed to admit that while trawling through the purchase history he found that it was the Queen who, after a fierce bidding war, procured the Nazi uniform Prince Harry infamously wore to a fancy dress party as well as “that hat” Princess Beatrice modelled at the recent Royal wedding. “But that’s not the worst of it,” said the Keeper of the Privy Purse, “Ma’am had also attempted to sell access to Princes Edward and Andrew. Embarrassingly neither auction ever received a bid in excess of the reserve, even though she set them at a deliberately lowly £5.”