Craig Oliver, Head of Communications for Prime Minister, David Cameron has been selected by Satan to run his latest PR and media campaign.
Speaking from his office in Hades, Satan said, “I’ve been watching with great interest how Craig Oliver has managed the UK's Coalition Government activity and am impressed that his strategy has ensured that David Cameron and his cabinet remain extremely unpopular.”
Satan has suffered recently in the popularity stakes with the UK's Coalition Government, Colonel Gaddafi, Dominique Strauss Khan and Cheryl Cole taking pole positions ahead of him. He has also been ‘wounded’ by Muslim and anti-American activists likening the USA to him by naming the Western power “The Great Satan.”
“Make no mistake,” he continued, “There is only one Great Satan and that is me. Just open any version of the Bible or the Koran and you’ll find my full CV written down in black and white and great splashes of red – the flowing blood of the innocent! Your Government cuts cannot compare with my work, although I admit they come a close second. So praise where praise is due.” He is currently updating his CV to include more contemporary work.
Mr Oliver was unavailable for comment today but denied any conflict of interest. In a written statement he said, “I am extremely honoured to have been selected by Satan, and will try to ensure that any strategy will keep him up there with the rest of the great and the bad. I will be fair to both my clients to give them an equal billing where I can but I have had a clause written into my contract which states that "staying on top of any hate list does not come with a 100% guarantee". Still, I did get impressive results for the BBC whilst I was there, and it still remains as unpopular as ever amongst license payers. ”
Satan has denied any rumours that he wants Mr Oliver to re-locate, although “there is a generous re-location package that goes with the job”, instead he is hoping that he may be able to persuade him to arrange a PR trip for David Cameron and other members of his cabinet very soon as part of any new campaign.