Under the Government's latest austerity measures, Chelsea pensioners will have to work until the age of 103. Medical advances and a 'cosseted' existence have prolonged the life span of the average Chelsea Pensioner to the average age of 125.
"We can no longer afford to keep this elitist group of pensioners in the style that they have become accustomed to." said David Cameron. "They simply have to go back out to work and make a further contribution to society and not rely on the British tax payer to support their lifestyles."
Despite the massive profits made from the annual Chelsea Flower Show to support the Royal Hospital, consideration is now being given to getting ex-servicemen back onto the front line.
David Cameron continued, "These chaps have a lot more spunk left in them than they are credited for. They've seen action in places like North Afica and the Far East so they can certainly teach young recruits a thing or two. Age isn't a barrier anymore, and with a combination of botox, viagra and top of the range incontinence pads we can get a few more years out of them."
George Entwistle, who has lived at the Chelsea Royal Hostpital for the past ten years said, "I'm happy to give further service to my country. I know that David Cameron and Nick Clegg would do the same if they were in my shoes, so bring it on. They don't like it up 'em you know!"
Previous fundraising attempts by veterans to secure the future of the Royal Hospital have included the sale of imported silk stockings from the shores of far Cathay and Spanish 'snout'.
Ex army chef, Stan Gilmott of the Staffordshire Regiment said, "I had two nice rashers of bacon and a lamb chop under the counter last week. I got five and six and a ticket to Gone With the Wind at the Walthamstow Rex for 'em. Every little helps you know so we've all go to muck in."
However there was some dissension in the ranks when news of the proposed austerity measures were leaked. A member of the Scots Guard was seen wandering the grounds of the hospital muttering "We're doomed! We're all doomed!"