A dairy farmer in Shropshire was in close talks with Church leaders last night following an annunciation allegedly made to him as he was milking his herd of Fresians. The figure of the Virgin Mary appeared to him inside his stable telling him that Jesus would return on Friday 12 August 2011 in a new Advent.
The farmer, whose identity is being shielded subject to psychiatric reports said, “I was squeezing the last drop out of Clover when she kicks the bucket clean over the floor. Then I sees this beautiful woman in a blue dress and white shawl. She looked like that Catherine Zeta Jones in The Darling Buds of May, then as I starts to rub my eyes I sees that it’s the Virgin Mary.”
The Holy Virgin told him that her Son was returning to earth because the current economic climate had “saddened him.” In particular he wanted to create a new Advent and at a later date another Easter so that the Thorntons chocolate company would get a “second crack” at their popular range of Advent calendars and Easter eggs and get them out of a crisis.
A church spokesman said, “Only God the Father knows the exact "day" and the exact "hour" when Jesus Christ will return to the earth. However, prior to his return, a sign such as this to a humble farmer would be expected to prepare mankind for his arrival and to save Thorntons from closure. Advent 2 and Easter 2 may be just the miracle they need.”
News of the Second Coming has already reached the Vatican and a special emissary from the Pope will be travelling to Shropshire to explore the possible beatification of Clover the cow.
An administrator for Thorntons said “This is an interesting development but we will have to wait and see how it pans out. Ironically Thortons’ share price jumped last night after the Annunciation so it proves that every cloud has a silver lining.”