MOSUL, IRAQ: In a monthly report generated by the 13th Sustainment Command, Assistant Chief Henry Webbers admitted that, after careful consideration of observed facts, as well as the ongoing casualties of the Iraq war, Command has come to the conclusion that the standard M26 Fragmentation Grenade, frequently used by U.S Infantry Divisions, can have an incapacitating, and often lethal, effect on human beings.
"It is time we stopped avoiding the truth and rather faced the facts. For far too long have we deemed all the deaths occurring near frag grenade explosions as merely circumstantial. In contrast, it has been scientifically proven that the blast from the explosion itself as well as the spraying of various particles and debris in the near vicinity of the blast are often responsible for various severe injuries and deaths" , says Webbers, a U.S army veteran with medals awarded for operations such as Desert Storm and Crescent Wind.
These news have brought rippling waves of shock to the U.S Department of Defense, where Secretary Robert M. Gates has allegedly called for a meeting to discuss possible workarounds for the apparent lethality of this weapon. While Mr Gates himself could not be reached for comment, trustworthy sources say that the Defense Committee staff are working hard on patenting a new type of projectile that will not emphasize on killing the target, but rather "reduce his ability to fight back". Towards this direction, a patent on limestone has already been sent to the United States Patent and Trademark Office on behalf of General Martin Dempsey, Chief of Staff of the United States Army, awaiting approval.
"I believe I'm speaking on behalf of every one in the Department and Government when I say that these news were totally unexpected", said Dempsey during a NewsBiscuit interview yesterday. "We never thought that these weapons would be able to take human lives. I can only fear further repercussions of this: what about all these deaths of civilians when struck by bullets of our M1A1 rifles? Could the actual shooting of these people have anything to do with their deaths? I fear we have only encountered the tip of the iceberg, and a complete rethinking of the way we wage war may be necessary."
A high-ranking source within the 13th Sustainment Command, who spoke to NewsBiscuit on condition of anonymity, also mentioned that a report of 3rd LRDG Division, deployed near the town of Arbil, will shed light on other unexplained phenomena, such as large pillars of smoke appearing over sights bombed by U.S aircraft.