Last week, 48 stone Magnus Jugerfelt was just a regular fat guy, eating burgers and moving from his big chair only to go to the bathroom. Today, after his inevitable early death from a massive heart attack, his ashes are scattered over the skies of Europe in what a Reykjavik crematorium called "an unfortunate system malfunction". Scientists initially said that the massive cloud of ash, which has closed much of Europe's airspace, was caused by a volcanic eruption. Now a crematorium insider has revealed the truth.
"The crematorium isn't designed to cope with people as fat as Mr Jugerfelt" said the source.."his remains caused a blockage in our chimney. Pressure built up and built up until finally his remains were ejected some 18 miles into the sky, before drifting over Europe. My boss was like "oh my god; nobody must ever find out about this", so we told everyone it was the volcano down the road which was causing all the ash and stopping the planes from flying. I reckon everyone is gonna be pretty mad with us now".
A former friend of Mr Jegerfelt commented "it's what Magnus would have wanted; he bloody hated flying".