A leaked document sent to the Labour Party HQ by a “concerned NHS employee” reveals that during a routine brain scan performed on Ed Miliband in 2001, the leader of the Opposition was found to be under the control of five Numskulls.
The Numskulls who rose to fame in the Beezer originally inhabited the head of an unknown boy who later became known as ‘Edd’. All trace of them was lost until the scan was performed on Mr Miliband but it was deemed “not in the public interest” to publish the results.
Along with the document an accompanying X-ray image clearly shows the five Numskulls beneath Mr Miliband’s cerebral cortex. ‘Brainy’ asleep in the frontal lobe, ‘Blinky’ flapping around in the eye-sockets, ‘Radar’ sitting astride the left ear-drum, ‘Snitch’ blocking the top of the Minister’s nose and ‘Cruncher’ just above the palette.
The anonymous sender also revealed in a letter that “Despite the surgeon’s alarm at the time and his decision that they should be surgically removed, Ed stayed very calm and decided that getting rid of them was a very bad idea as he took comfort from the little voices in his head.”
Billy McAlistair, an old school friend of Mr Miliband still living in Leeds said “All the kids thought he was a bit different. In fact we used to call him 'Ed case'. He had this encyclopaedic knowledge about all kinds of trivia and a weird way of staring at you, which now you come to look at it, was Blinky moving his eye lids up and down all along.”
A former member of staff at the Leeds’ Ear Nose and Throat Clinic, which Mr Miliband attended as a young patient has also come forward. “We stuck a probe up his nostril one day and heard a little voice say “Ouch!” Ed just laughed and said he was hoping to become a ventriloquist when he grew up so we believed him. Shame he never achieved his ambition. Anyway, Numskulls were the last things on our minds and he didn’t come back again after that.”
A labour Party spokesman has issued the following statement, “If Ed’s head is full of Numskulls then David Cameron must be Lord Snooty – oh bloody hell…”