London buses expressed outrage today, after being compared with a deadly meteorite. Meteor 2011MD only narrowly missed colliding with the Earth, and was described as 'bus-sized' in many newspapers. "I might puff out the odd belch of black smoke", complained Bus No. 51, "and I did destroy the offside door mirror of a Volkswagen Passat last weekend. But that's hardly the same as mass extinction, is it? People can be so uncaring sometimes."
Buses have been used as a standard measuring device for some time now. Stacked up with little regard to maximum axle loads, packs of buses have cruelly been used to measure the heights of buildings, trees and dinosaurs. Some have even been forced underground, to measure the size of caverns. Many never recover, ending up on the scrap heap while still in their prime.
"We're sick of being compared with blue whales, tyranosaurs and skyscrapers. All this sizeist talk can be really hurtful. But to somehow link us to an astral body that threatens the very existance of life...who wouldn't take umbrage?", asked a tired-looking Dennis. There were murmurs of support from several jumbo jets, and a house in Stevenage.
"We're not asking a lot, we just want a little bit of dignity", pleaded the bus. "We've even witnessed public outings of bendy buses, and tourists exploiting our topless models. We've taken legal advice, but we were told we can't pick up in junctions."
Other buses have complained about segregation on the roads. "We're being made to drive in special pink lanes, it's so humiliating. They don't let us go in the really fast lane on motorways, and we're faced with endless protests. If I see one more shelter waving a 'bus stop' placard, I don't know what I'll do', seethed a Number 82.
Other buses were quick to join the protests. "We're facing constant discrimination. I've been turned down from a coaching job on the grounds that my chassis's too big", said a disgruntled RouteMaster. "And then there's the constant jibes: 'you wait all day for a bus and then two come along at once. Oh wait, it is just one bus. a really fat one.' I've heard them all, it gets wearing after a while."
"It's an unending struggle against the private hire cars, and trying not to run out of diesel. But I guess it's inevitable. Nothing is certain but derv and taxis."