Moves to make the drug Mephedrone more dangerous and to hand control and future profits over to criminals have been completed today as the substance is banned. Not many people had heard of this substance before, but two people died recently which made us sad.
A Government spokesman said, “These two deaths made everyone feel sad, this forces us to ask why young people feel the need to take these substances, obviously we don’t want people thinking that,” he went on to say, “by banning them, we can dismiss future deaths as stupid, and their own fault so no further questions will be asked.”
The news was met positively by the criminal fraternity. A Criminal spokesman said, “This is fantastic news, we don’t see it as banning, it’s privatisation, which is surely a good thing.” “When heroin was privatized in the 1950s, there were only 48 addicts in the country, since leaving government control we’ve grown that to over 200,000, that’s amazing growth that only we criminals can deliver.”
Worries raised that making drugs more dangerous would be a bad thing were from the sort of people who hung around outside school gates handing illegal drugs to children in the hope of getting them hooked, so they were ignored.