A consortium of IT support call centres, computer and high street telephone retailers today called on the government to radically improve the smirking, sneering, eye-rolling and ironic intonation abilities of Britain's young people. Brian Mandelbrot, spokesman for the consortium, said "the number of youngsters we are seeing with helpful, constructive attitudes to customer services is frankly disgraceful". "There was a time", Mandelbrot continued "that we could take for granted a natural sullen adolescent resentment expressed as an ill-disguised passive-aggressive uncooperativeness. Shockingly, this is no longer the case."
This inability to adapt to the modern workplace is illustrated by the case of Tim Farrier, a part-time student, who was dismissed from his sales assistant post at the O2 store on Oxford St due to his failure in the mordancy training module. "I'm devastated" said Tim, "my prospects of getting into middle management have never looked bleaker." "God knows it was simple enough" said Tim's former supervisor Oliver Hall, " a customer came in asking for a piece of equipment, naturally enough we didn't have and told him we couldn't get it for him. Tim's task was to ask him what he wanted it for, but his basic mistake was thinking he should therefore offer a constructive alternative solution to the problem rather than the actual purpose of the question. The actual purpose of the question is to make the customer look an even bigger tool when you say 'can't help you there, sir' after he's elaborately explained himself. How difficult is that?" said Hall, rolling his eyes.