Yesterday at my local festival, I helped Tim Booth of James crowdsurf. I pushed his lower right leg along.
Well I sincerely hope that it's your intention never to wash your hands again.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
What's your least impressive celebrity encouter stories?
(1441 posts) (174 voices)
-
In the late-90s, I was having a pint and as I was returning from the bathroom, Richard Whiteley (of Countdown) was going to said bathroom. We exchanged a mutually polite 'hello'.
It was Fringe time and there tended to be lots of 'personalities' in town, so I guess one got used to passing celebs going for a slash.
Posted 2 months ago # -
As a broth of a boy back in my native Norn Irn, I was once in a cafe having a cup of tea and who should come in and order a cup of coffee and a cream cookie?
Why, dear reader, none other than BBC NI's Walter Love!!!
He sat in the booth across from me and even though we were certainly aware of one another no actual words, nods or smiles were exchanged.
And do you know that even to this day Walter still 'anchors' BBC NI's coverage of "The 12th"**
**Yes (and Christ alone knows why) it's still actually covered live by dear old Auntie, and with the miracle of modern technology I can watch it on my Sky box, scratch my head in bafflement and let my mind drift back to those bygone days of yore
Posted 2 months ago # -
ND How so? I think I am too:
Dad - Queen - Trump - Stormy.Mind you, once you involve HRH the chain gets quite short to most famous folk.
Posted 2 months ago # -
In my case, it's a pal - Theresa May - Donald Trump - Stormy Daniels.
I'm three degrees from HM The Queen, via her old man and several of their offspring, and am expecting a knighthood at any moment. You'll know, when I change my user name to Sir Newsdesk.
Posted 1 month ago # -
So, about three years ago I was having a coffee in a nice hotel when A-list Hollywood legend Arnold Schwarzenegger walked passed my table with his security chaps.
I realise that as Arnie is a big star, this is likely to be not-allowed as "least impressive celebrity encounter". HOWEVER, whilst he was that shade of mahogany that only very rich people seem to be, he was also much shorter than I was led to believe.
This left me feeling very disappointed and actually somewhat shocked and a little angry.
Posted 1 month ago # -
So, at the risk of sounding pompous...
I was sitting in Starbucks in that week between Christmas and New Year when who should literally walk passed the window than Colin Montgomerie!
The successful golfer and star of Mrs Doubtfire was carrying a Lakeland carrier bag, which my wife and I remarked that we really expected better.
Posted 1 month ago # -
One day in December 1985, I was cycling past my college in Oxford when I spotted the amusing blonde toff who was standing for election as President of the Union that day. I knew him a bit but then everyone did. I said 'Good luck' and he said 'Thanks'. Later that night, he won by a landslide, thus setting in train a wonderful career in politics that has brought the whole country together and made us feel really good about each other.
I hereby wish to apologise for failing to kill the cunt while I had the chance, not least because I was physically fit enough then to have dug the ditch he wanted to die in.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Oh yeah, and the last time I saw him in the (by then considerably expanded) flesh was at the Labour conference in Blackpool in 1995. He was a Spectator correspondent and I was Twickenham CLP delegate. It was Blair's first conference as leader, we were quite obviously going to sweep all that away and I didn't give him a second thought, even though I knew by then that he was both a Tory and a cnut. Happy days.
Renewed apologies for not taking the second chance to kill him.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Oxbridge's story of missed assassination opportunities has reminded me that when I was driving home to Uk from Zimbabwe by Landrover I stopped off in what was then known as Zaire and spent some days staying with Belgian teachers who worked at a school where all Mobutu's children went. It was Easter and on the Sunday I joined a small congregation which met for Mass in Mobutu's personal chapel. The Poisonous Dwarf himself marched in and took his seat on a throne by the altar. I was about 20 metres away in hoi polloi chapel pews. Of course I was not armed, unlike the two huge leopard-skinned clad bodyguards who stood between me and my 'target.' It was not a golden opportunity for a killing but I still have moments when I wish I had managed it. Someone once said the easiest way to achieve fame is to kill someone very famous but then I can't remember the name of that loser who shot John Lennon.
Posted 1 month ago # -
I've mentioned this previously, but my brother-in-law shook hands with Mugabe in the 80s
Mrs Chipchase once shook hands with Mother Teresa.
She (Mrs CC) was only a schoolgirl at the time and it was some years in advance of her falling under my charismatic spell, but by the terms of engagement as laid down in the title of this thread, then I think the encounter practically makes me a saint.
Posted 1 month ago # -
I honestly think none of you can beat this one:
When I was a lad (about 5 or 6), HM The Queen opened our local newly-built hospital. I lived around the corner and used to play in the grounds when it was getting built. Remember this was the 70s and there wasn't the oppressive Health & Safety we have now - although there were pedos every 100 yards or so. Anyway, I digress...
So, on opening day, I was lined up on the pavement with mum and big bruv, waving a little Union Jack. We waited for many hours until finally, the motorcade came by - and there's THE Queen!!!
In her limo, looking and waving at the bastards on the other side of the road.
Then she was gone.
I think this wins the whole long-running saga of "Least Impressive Celebrity Encouter" on two counts:
1. There is NO bigger celebrity than Her Majesty The Queen.
2. To this day, she is completely unaware that 5 year old me was excitedly waving a wee Union Jack at her, as she took the decision to look the other fucking way.Massively, crushingly disappointing I'm sure you will agree.
Therefore it follows, that you wholeheartedly agree that this trumps anything previously stated on the 47 pages of this thread (I'd imagine that some of them may actually be tall stories).
Posted 1 month ago # -
Yes, done that one too. She was driven past me (and a few thousand others) in Brentwood in the '60s. I think she must have been lost
Even less impressive, Aled Jones & Russell Watson did an album signing nearby yesterday. I didn't go, of course. How do you sign an album anyway?
Posted 1 month ago # -
As an intending member of the audience I once held the door open for Paul Merton on the way into the Comedy Store. He failed to recognise me and failed to congratulate me on my brilliant contributions to NewBiscuit but I got my revenge by failing to recognise him (I hadn't turned round to see who it was that was following me) and it was my sister who told me afterwards who it was.
Surely there can't be a more negligible encounter than not only not knowing who the celebrity was, but also not actually seeing them or even looking in their direction.
Posted 1 month ago # -
I too waved a plastic union jack at the Queen, when she drove past on her Silver Jubilee tour. Well in fact someone else was driving, and as I'm still here I guess it wasn't Philip.
Anyway, my flag waving so moved her that the car pulled over and she knighted me on the spot. Hence my username. (Went to behead me and missed, my arse.)
Do I win?
Posted 1 month ago # -
I'll see your Queen, Sir L, and raise you a Queen Mum (Gawd bless 'er)
I was once crossing the A4 in London just by Barons Court Tube when a phalanx of police motorbike outriders arrived at the lights and stopped all traffic, both vehicular and pedestrian.
Next fing, like, a great big black limo comes schelpping through the junction heading West, and who should be in the back? None other than the darling of wartime East End, only Liz's old gel. Our glorious Queen Mum.
I didn't have a flag to wave so didn't and as a result I wasn't rewarded with a silvery serene twinkling smile or a beglov'd regal wave back.
But still, eh? Best day of my life, mate. Best day of my life.
Posted 1 month ago #
Reply »
You must log in to post.