Ed Miliband has put forward a forthright case for choosing his own facial expressions. Under the current system, the leader of the Labour party can only display two expressions, which are decided on by a union ballot.
"Ed can show a lot more emotion than just 'surprised' or 'confused'", explained a shadow press sectretary. "We really need to add 'indignant', 'proud' and 'sad' to his armoury. These are key countenances for any politician to draw on, especially when there is so much debate about the military. Mr Miliband feels really strongly about this, he's not just going through the emotions."
It's not the first time Labour's 'contortional college' voting system has come under fire. A ballot held under the AV system left Ed's brother, David, with a permanently fixed grin, and angry eyes. And an earlier election ended in chaos, following confusion over which of Blair's faces they were voting on.
Ed Miliband has long denied being a puppet of the Unions. Standing near a lectern just inches off the ground, Ed mouthed his way through his demands for a stronger voice, greater transparency in his strings and some more believable eyes. He then stole some sausages from Eric Pickles, attacked Theresa May with an oversized bat and left, stating "That's the way to do it".
The Labour leader is also demanding more say in choosing his cabinet. In an angry exchange, Miliband thrust the IKEA catalogue back at Bob Crow, shouting "That's not what I meant". But Ed isn't the only politician seeking greater freedom to express themselves. David Cameron is considering changes to his party's 'first pass the port' system, while Nick Clegg is still campaigning to be able to choose his own clothes.