Circus animals in the UK have hit back at proposals by the government to ban them from live performances under animal welfare concerns. The Circus Animals Union (CAU) is balloting members who have expressed concern that this is just another attack on the Arts by imposing savage cuts.
Speaking from Harpo’s Circus in Bromsgrove, Nellie the Elephant commented “Government do-gooders really need to keep their trunks out of our affairs. Yes, I admit I did once run away to Hindustan but the job situation was even worse over there so Harpo’s Circus has been a lifeline. Only the other night I heard the Head of the herd calling for a national walkout.”
If legislation goes through it will be the end of an era for lions, tigers, chimps and horses and the children’s favourite sea-lion, Horace Hornblower. "I'm gutted like the proverbial herring," said Horace after another stunning performance at Blackpool Tower. "I've invested thousands in my new horn section and state of the art inflatable balls. What good are they going to be back in the Arctic? I mean, the Penguins can't even clap so what kind of an audience will that be?"
A spokesman for Harpo's Circus, Millibandi the Clown showed his support for his animal colleagues. "You might think I'm just being silly but these guys are my best friends. The government is bang! bang! bang! out of order and I'm more than qualified to know a smokescreen when I see one."
Charlie the chimp, who is currently performing in Fantasia on Ice at Birmingham’s NEC said, “Me and the boys are ready to swing into action if they try to pull this one off. I was working for peanuts until Fantasia came along so I’m not going without a fight. This ruddy coalition can’t see the wood for the trees.”
CAU's union leader and long time animal rights activist, Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion spoke earlier today on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, “When are they going to realise we can’t survive if they shove us all back on the streets. It's a jungle out there and we’ve got our pride haven’t we?”