Following a deluge of complaints from obese, overweight and just plain fat people whose arses have been secretly filmed for television news programmes, legal firms are now mounting compensation claims for victims.
News coverage of the UK’s obesity epidemic traditionally focuses on two or three fat arses either wearing tight denim, leggings stretched to the limits or bulging midriffs. Now victims are fighting back and hope to benefit from massive compensation claims.
Brian Gavel of ‘Cash 4 Grabs R Us’ said “Forget whiplash injury claims, this is the new deal. We’ve got a back-log of roly-polys hoping to get their fat mitts on a nice few wads after their arses have been filmed waddling down the high street. Our new strapline is “The fatter your ass the more the cash!” By the way if you know anyone whose life has been affected by this serious issue here’s my card. There’ll be something in it for you, guaranteed.”
Amanda Derierre, a shop assistant from Bradford spotted her arse taking top billing on the local early evening news. “I couldn’t believe it. The camera focussed right on top of my arse crack and then on my love bird tattoo before it moved down onto my cheeks. They played it in slow motion too which made it look worse. I feel totally violated.”
Ofcom, the independent communications sector regulator has issued a statement following complaints made to them. “Whilst we neither condemn nor condone the practice of secret filming of buttocks and midriff areas we understand the trauma that this can cause not only to the ‘victim’ but the viewing public in general, especially at tea-time. We have issued guidelines to news teams to be aware of distinguishing marks which could identify people who quite honestly need to stop eating, take more exercise and stop blaming their glands.”
Another claimant who wishes to remain anonymous said, “My arse was filmed while I was enjoying a double cheeseburger on a park bench. Everyone in the office knows I go there at lunchtime and I’m sure I heard sniggering this morning when I was bending over the photocopier. I’m definitely going to claim for mental anguish.”
The BBC and Independent news channels are currently reviewing their policy on gathering secret arse footage. “It’s a difficult area,” said a spokesman for ITV News “They say television makes you look fatter so your average fatty is going to look totally obese. Any claims will certainly have to take this into account.”