Following the extradition of one of Australia’s most notorious rapists to the UK the British government is now bracing itself for a massive influx of people with ancestral links to convicts.
Australian authorities have announced that anyone descended from British convict stock will be deported back to the UK over the next 2 years. In a major drive to raise antipodean standards even permanent residents will have their citizenship revoked and forced to return, whether or not they have been involved in any criminal activity.
Special detention centres are being set up to house potential deportees who can’t afford their passage back. They will be required to undertake hard labour in return for a dollar a day and a quart of grog.
Bruce Cheeseman, is a local MP in the town of Wagga Wagga and a keen supporter of repatriation, “For far too long Australia has been the dumping ground for dodgy dagos and pervy poms. We’ve put up with them sniffing volatile substances, cannibalism and their total absence of any sort of work ethic. They’ve just been left to their own devices and breeding like fuckin' rabbits.”
One Melbourne resident, Mrs Dorothy Kingsmill, whose great great grandfather was deported from England for stealing a loaf of bread said, “It’s a real witch hunt. I was jostled in Queen Victoria Market and threatened with a 10 inch baguette when one of the stall holders found out my history. Personally, I blame it on TV programmes like ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ giving us Brits a bad name by showing the past histories of itinerants like Julian Clary and Davina McCall.”
The Foreign Office is now warning British travellers against travelling to Australia in the current climate, “We had one report of a tourist bus being hijacked in Wagga Wagga with British citizens singled out for some old fashioned punishment. One old lady was put on a duckbilled platypus stool and immersed in a dunny until she admitted her criminal past.”
Bruce Cheeseman, MP said “We dealt with the bloody Abos now it’s time to sort out the bloody Poms. We’ve got standards to maintain so we’re going to clean out the riff-raff and make Australia the once proud nation it has never been.”