Fans of Al-Qaeda who have followed the leadership contest over the last couple of months will now have the chance to see all of their favourites in the flesh thanks to the announcement of a new international arena tour featuring all of the finalists.
Ayman al-Zawahiri, who was crowned the winner on June 16th, will headline the shows after he returns from a whirlwind book signing tour of his brand new autobiography in which he reveals how he overcame adversity to eventually become a success, but reveals very few details of his personal life and no mention of his current whereabouts. The headline slot is part of his prize, which also included a 1 year recording contract to produce video and audio messages and a $25 million price on his head from the US State Department.
The 60 year old Egyptian gave an emotional speech after his victory in which he said ‘This is the greatest honour that Allah could bestow on me, ever since I was a little boy I have dreamed of being the head of an international terrorist organisation and I would like to dedicate this triumph to my good friend Osama who unfortunately passed away recently. My only regret is that he can’t be here to see me succeed. Although, thinking about it, if he was still here that could have made things a bit awkward.’
Simon Cowell will be organising the tour and thinks fans will appreciate the format with a mixture of solo performances as well as some group renditions of classic hits from yesteryear such as ‘death to the West’, ‘death to the infidel’ and ‘death to America’.
All 12 of the finalists will feature on the tour, despite calls from some critics for controversial Brazilian contestant al-Wagner to be excluded amid claims that he was only put forward in the under 50s category to provoke discussion with his unintelligible rhetoric delivery and distinctly amateurish beard growing ability.