The leader of the Taliban in Afghanistan, Mohammed Al-Nuttah, today surrendered unconditionally on hearing the news that Prince Harry will return to Afghanistan.
'We can't cope with another visit,' he said. 'He marches around in his Hitler uniform, and all my men are so horrified that they run away. And he's after all our women too. Clearly our scheme of trying to get Pippa middleton to seduce him hasn't worked. Well, it might have done, but he's insatiable, my wife tells me - she heard from a friend of hers, apparently. And when he's got a sub machine gun in his hand, he makes Rambo look like Mary Poppins.
'There's easier ways of taking over a country, or so our friend Nick Clegg says.'