Under radical new plans unveiled by David Cameron, medical staff in the NHS are to be allowed to make people better.
'We've stopped and listened,' said Mr Cameron. 'Mostly to our spin doctors who say we're going down the toilet if we continue with the insane idea of giving a say about commissioning to doctors. I mean, how stupid is that? What idiot came up with that idea?'
Mr Cameron vowed there would be no return to the bad old days. 'We're not going back to April,' he said, 'when the government of the time had this frankly ridiculous idea of stopping doctors making people well and turning them into commissioners. Under the new government, i.e without Nick Clegg interfering, we will once again let doctors be doctors - just like they were under Labour all those years ago.'