NY - A clerical error has been blamed for the first 'Boho' soup kitchen. The charitable canteen, located in East Harlem, has already attracted waifs, strays and street artists, keen to 'take in the vibe'. Organisers of the charity are struggling to keep up with the demand for macrobiotic soup and 'vintage' clothes.
"We had intended to provide sustenance to the city's homeless and down-at-heel", explained Wendy Schmaltz, a volunteer at the charity. "instead, we're inundated with flouncily-dressed hippy chicks. To be honest, most of them look like they need a good feed, but they're fussy eaters. You have to give them a detailed breakdown of the soup's provenance, and its exact 'food mileage'. A lot of them seem confused: if one more person asks me for a tin of 'Warhol' tomato soup, I swear I'm going to stab them with this ladle".
The kitchen has become an overnight sensation. Infuential celebrities from Kate Moss to Sienna Miller have been spotted amongst the trestle tables and lanterns, flicking their hair and comparing bangles. Pixie Lott has attempted to make a music video at the site, but was thwarted by repeated impromptu folk jams. Ironically, the demand for soup has almost completely dried up, but second-hand clothes distributed by the charity are already changing hands for hundreds of dollars.
"We keep getting asked if we do Ugg boots, but we've only really got old work boots and flip-flops left. Most of them aren't even matching pairs", explained Wendy. "One poor homeless guy was quite badly injured when he was spotted wearing trendy, brown fur boots. It was only after Joss Stone tried to wrestle them off that we realised they were just advanced fungal infections."
The demand has lead to similar kitchens being planned for Paris and Soho. The volunteers will need training to spot the difference between real bohos and those who are simply vagrants: the dress styles are often very similar. Vivienne Westwood is running classes to help staff identify the malnourished, drug-addicted and mentally fragile, so that they can send the rest to a proper hostel.