In a dramatic new U-turn on NHS policy, the Government last night placed the Duke of Edinburgh in charge of sweeping reforms. He acted immediately by telling patients: “Stop bloody whining and get on with it.”
Prince Philip announced an immediate cessation of treatment for “feckless, workshy snivelling gits” and warned “just wait until I start on the foreigners”.
He declared: “I’ve had enough of all you bloody malingerers - now get out.”
The Duke’s reforms are already thought likely to save the NHS hundreds of billions of pounds a year.
But opposition leaders are highly critical of Prince Philip’s plans. That chap who’s in charge of the party that used to be in Government, can’t place him for the moment, you know, the nerdy one, said something but nobody can quite remember what.
The British Medical Association said its concern was how a patient’s status would be decided – and by whom. A spokesman said: “Somebody may very well be in the Duke’s eyes a useless, idle, non-contributing waste of space, but who is he to decide that other members of the Royal Family no longer qualify for treatment?”
Prince Philip countered the criticism by revealing that a board of “the great and the good” drawn from “Britain’s top intellects” will from now on decide who is eligible for health treatment and who should be left to die in the gutter.
Figures mooted as possible board members include the Duke himself, ‘Lord’ Alan Sugar, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Littlejohn, Peter Hitchens and the editorial board of the Daily Mail.
Prince Philip's cure for NHS crisis: “Stop bloody whining and get on with it”
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In a dramatic new U-turn on NHS policy, the Government last night placed the Duke of Edinburgh in charge of sweeping reforms. He acted immediately by telling patients: “Stop bloody whining and get on with it.”Posted 4 years ago #
Having seen the news this morning, maybe this wasn't such a bad idea...Posted 4 years ago #
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