Initial inquiries in the investigation into the Finnish football fixing scandal have caused concerns that this may just be part of the problem. The controversy has led to the uncovering of a continent-wide criminal cartel headed by shady Singaporean shyster Wilson Raj Perumal, who, it is implied, has ambitions of achieving alliteration in an array of activities.
The investigation intending to catch the criminals is being conducted through co-operation between several countries’ police forces. Police officer Fjäller Fjällson of the Finnish force’s fraud faction stated ‘while it is true that we are presently concerned primarily with the prosecution of Raj Perumal, we are still simultaneously seeking several more conniving crooks in connection with this case.’
Towards the top of the tree of their targets are Swedish siblings Sammi and Sven Svensson. The brothers are believed to have been behind bewildering bets on British bantamweight boxing bouts, can be connected to coercing cheating in Chinese cycling with cash contributions and are rumoured to have rigged a Romanian rowing regatta.
Detective Ini Kamoze of the joint task force concerned with catching the criminals, codenamed Höts Tepper, issued this statement ‘any members of the public with information that could lead to the apprehension of these lyrical gangsters, murderers, are urged to dial emergency number, murderer, so that we can pick up the crew in-a de area, murderer, and we still love you like that’.
The police are hoping to proceed with the pursuit of the primary perpetrators at pace due to concerns that their alliterative activities may only be the beginning.
Officer Fjällson said ‘New facts have been arriving, to suggest they might move into rhyming. If this is true, it’s something new, and will really be quite trying.’
Officers are reading several books, in their attempt to catch the crooks, by learning lots, to stop their plots, and really are excited, by a plan for Man United, to make players short-sighted, for which they’ll be indicted.
Players of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks are fervently hoping that they are not on the gang's radar, amid fears that the Ducks, if targeted, could be.... in trouble.