In an effort to make the Olympics as exciting as Formula 1, the IOC has announced that the 2012 Olympics will follow F1 rules.
The main change will be that in all races, there will be a couple of compulsory pit stops, where athletes will have their running shoes changed while a litre of water is forced down their throats by a team of at least 18 people, all in under 7 seconds. They will then be allowed to continue the race. There will of course be no overtaking, so the result will be entirely dependent on who gets their running shoes changed the fastest.
In the event of rain, the races will be led by an old man with a stick, that no-one is allowed to go past.
Said IOC chairman Bernie Ecclestone: 'This will add great excitement and interest to what has become a minority interest event. The best bit will be the loads of young blond women who are attracted to me because of my devastating good looks and not because I'm a billionaire dwarf.'
In a statement, Max Mosely said: 'Why the changes are there beats me. I'm just the whipping boy. This all leaves a nazi taste. And my friend Richard Keys agrees.'