Authorities in the US confirmed they have Senator and former US Presidential hopeful John McCain (Rep) in custody after a tense standoff in Notre Dame University Chapel (Indiana) where McCain attempted to drive a stake through ex Governor Sarah Palin's heart.
McCain was prevented from the assasination as he couldn't lift the stake above his head high enough to penetrate Palin's chain mail corset.
News Biscuit sources say McCain was screaming 'she has to be stopped! for God's sake ....' as he was dragged away by handy FBI Officers in monks' cowls.
A Facebook post by the deranged McCain posted some hours earlier outlined his chilling plan "I started this, I brought her into the world, I must end it. We're headed towards a new dark age. Too many people have suffered as she has messed up our language, confused Joe Sixpack on basic issues like whether Africa is a country, and rewritten history. Paul Revere shall be avenged."
Ex-Gov Palin said in her TV show on Fox less than an hour after the attack that McCain was just really an enemy of freedom. "y'all know how if ya hang out with the wrong crowd ya get tainted. It's like how those French people all backed Adolf Hitler and the Nazis in the first world war, and how the British have now joined both in one world Government and formed a new country called Europe. McCain just spent too much time with President Osama. It's called the Stocking Syndrome."
Oddly when Newsbiscuit went to check all these references on Wikipedia minutes later they were all confirmed.
Unnamed source, actually US correspondent John Dixon, says everyone knows Palin is actually the expression of the forces of darkness, and McCain's attempted assassination was the only sane move for the war hero. "It's just that the rest of the Republicans are so boring she's the only hope for a good election pageant next year."