The Government has announced a series of measures designed to prevent the sexualisation of Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, after his outspoken attack on the Coalition agenda.
Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone announced that any magazine or newspaper with the Archbishop on the front would now need to be covered with a brown paper wrapper 'to protect impressionable people in society from being corrupted.'
Ms Featherstone said: "There are simply too many images of Rowan Williams on display in our society. Children can't even go into a shop and buy pic 'n' mix without being exposed to magazine covers featuring a beardy man in a dress going on about the illegitimacy of the government. It's damaging their innocence about the Coalition.' She said the government also feared that Dr Williams could 'become highly sexualised' as a result of all the exposure. 'And nobody really wants to see or imagine that,' she said.
Dr Williams accused the government of 'overreacting'. 'It's not my fault if I've become a raw, sexual presence throbbing with rebelliousness,' he said. 'That's just what happens when you're both a member of the House of Lords and the Supreme Head of the Church of England. Girls want me, boys want to be me, you just better get used to it, baby. Hey, do you want to see my chasuble?'