Sarah Palin announced today that she is disowning her daughter Bristol and replacing her with Lady Gaga. The move is seen as an indication that Palin is about to seriously pursue the Republican nomination for president.
“America is undergoing great change, and what’s good for America is good for my family. So I’m making sure that it too undergoes great change,” Palin said. “I am switching out my talentless daughter, Bristol Palin, with a semi-talented professional performer, Lady Gaga.”
As soon as the adoption papers are processed, Lady Gaga will become Gaga Palin and will be booked as the opening act of her new mother’s campaign roadshow.
“I personally don’t care for Gaga as an entertainer,” Palin said. “But I like the way she reinvents herself over and over, again and again. She’s a regular Thomas Edison. Or is that Harry Houdini? I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”
Palin went on to explain that she intends to reinvent herself countless times throughout the campaign and her presidency, if she decides to run. “When you reinvent yourself, you don’t have to remember historical facts, or geography, and you don’t have to do the math. You can live in the moment and say anything that comes into your head. That’s what I do best.”
Asked how she feels to be the adopted daughter of a woman who could become the first female president of the United States, Gaga Palin said: “Whatever. Just as long as I don’t have to ride in that damn bus with that bitch.”