The entire IT sector has been thrown into crisis after Irene Elcombe, a pensioner from East Cowes on the Isle of Wight, expressed her distinct indifference at over 40 years of exponential technological innovation.
Mrs Elcombe unleashed the withering indictment while visiting her grandson, Chris Elcombe, a systems analyst at Microsoft’s UK headquarters in Reading.
“I remember it like it was yesterday.” bravely recalls Chris, the day after his world fell apart. “It all kicked off when I tried to show her how she could use the internet to access a timetable for buses to Newport. She seemed to take offence though and merely asked me who on earth I thought I was to tell her how to get to Newport.”
“And the only feedback I got from her at the end of my PC tutorial was ‘disappointment’ that Windows 7 ‘doesn’t come with net curtains’.”
Things, however, soon went from bad to worse for the exasperated IT professional when a digital photo frame slideshow he’d prepared for his grandmother backfired spectacularly.
“I honestly thought she’d love it. I’d included all her most cherished photos, from childhood, right up until my wedding last year. Instead she suffered a near-fatal anxiety attack on the spot after mistaking it for her life flashing before her eyes.”
He continued, “It’s really dented confidence within the whole industry. We’d just taken Moore’s lesser-known second law for granted; that octogenarians’ awe and disbelief at what we can do nowadays would double every two years. It seems that’s just not the case.”
Now recovered from her tedious brush with death, Irene remains dispassionate about the whole saga. “I don’t have time for it; Chris with all them silly fuddle boxes and gizmos.” she opined, taking a sip of Assam from her Thermos flask. “I’m just happy with my tea mobile.”