Teenage heart throb R.Cow Patz is to join the cast of ‘Vampire Dairies’ the latest incarnation in the popular genre of teen horror TV offerings. Set in darkest Shropshire it has been described as a gore fest of rampant young bulls and moon faced heiffers.
Crickets are hailing the new series as the best in its field with, The Independent ploughing right in by saying “This is really wicked stuff, a kind of ‘Archers meets Vlad the Milkpailer’. While telly critic Garry Bushell says “I’d like to give Patz’s co-star Kristen Stewart a really big thumbs up."
But not everyone is taking a positive stance. Janet Street Porter said “I’m bloody fed up with all this Vampire stuff. ‘Vampire Dairies’ is just milking the genre. It has gone from a trilogy to a tragedy and it’s about time someone drove a steak through its trashy American heart.”
A Channel 5 spokesman said “It’s great to have R.Cow Patz on board in the new series. He’s a real hot stud and I’m sure he’ll prove to be the best in show.”