England’s football team we today found to be the source of the Europe-wide E-Coli epidemic which has caused 12 deaths and hundreds of hospitalizations.
"We always had a suspicion it could be down to the English soccer team" said German Health Minister Daniel Bahr. "E-Coli thrives on shit, so we were of course naturally drawn to Capello's team as a possible source. We thought that a detailed analysis of the players would be required, however after the Switzerland game it is beyond doubt that this was the best possible breeding ground for the bacteria. As a Health Minister I have seen some faeces in my time, but nothing quite like that."
The news comes as a great relief to the Spanish, who were thought to be the originators of the killer virus through contaminated vegetables. Defending this initial accusation, WHO Director of Disease Control Thomas Murcker pointed out that the WHO classification was still correct in that it was vegetables that were the source, just a different type.
Team England meanwhile were making no comment on the matter last night. Staying on in Switzerland for a post match investigation into the shortcomings of the result, the entire first team were holed up in a rented barn, with a particularly big door.