As "The New College of Humanities", Britain's first 'private University' is launched, founder Richard Dawkins has defended the projected £18,000 a year fees for undergraduates. During a news conference marking the launch, Professor Dawkins commented, "Until relatively recently, it was thought that Christians and other faith-delusion-ist groups had an almost complete monopoly on being stupid, ill-educated, smelly and useless. However, recent research has shown that so called 'poor-people' also share these unfortunate characteristics. Our fee structure is designed specifically to find the best candidates by systematically screening out those from the weaker end of the gene pool"
The launch of the New College of Humanities is seen as the culmination of a process which began in the 1970s, when several academics expressed concern that children from state schools had been seen at Oxford. They established a group which has devoted itself to promoting the re-exclusivisation of higher education. While the steady increase in tuition fees in Universities is obviously something they support, for these radical exclusivists, the process clearly hasn't gone far enough.
"Poor people are getting increasingly uppity" said an irritated Professor Grayling. "Gettin' ideas above their station. Clamoring for degrees, gettin' all hoity-toity and parading about like they was really something. How they going be happy working in the fields, pickin' cotton, flippin' burgers and slaving in factories if we go giving them degrees and qualifications they don't rightly need? It don't make for a harmonious society" he remarked.
Asked if the high £18,000 a year fees were fixed or would be reviewed, Professor Dawkins agreed to monitor the situation closely. He responded that the University plans to record the postcode of every student who matriculates in order to trace their socio-economic origins. "If we find postcodes like RG9 appearing in the research, we can be confident we have pitched the fees about right. Obviously if anything as disturbing as L8 or G21 was to appear, we would have to considerably increase the fees"