As part of of the investigation into age-inappropriate sexualisation, the government today released a list of clothing that should not be sold by people over 35. This list included thongs, black bras and, for men, tight-fitting T-shirts.
"For too long", said David Cameron, wearing a loose-fitting cardigan, "people over 35 have been exposed to a popular culture that has pressured them to appear hip and trendy and wear clothes that are just wrong for their age. This has to stop. We also propose a ban on showing sexy music videos between 7pm and 10pm -between CBBC going off-air and the old people going to bed."
Retailers supported this. Marks and Spencers announced they will be dividing their shops into age sections, such as 35-45, 45-55 and "older". "We've done this informally for a while, but now we will label things explicitly", said a spokesman. A spokesman for Agent Provocateur also supported the proposal. "It's really embarrassing for a 14 year old girl coming in to buy something sexy and meeting their mum or a school teach. Plus all the old people really scare off the paying customers. We will now check IDs at the door, and ban everyone over 35 unless they can show they are buying for someone else".