Prof. Dr. Dame Imelda Clapton (Ph.D, DSO and barking) Principal of weknewdyouwouldcall.com has launched a new service for those unlucky in love who would like to follow their object of unreciprocated desire around all day, but are nervous of attenion for the police.
"There are many sad, sad, people out there who are absolutely desparate and we would like to take advantage of them, I mean help them achieve their full emotional potential" Prof. Clapton said today, and that's why we are offering this innovative product. Essentially the client simply has to log on to http://www.weknewdyouwouldcall.com giving full credit card details name and address, and the team then swings into action.
"it's really simple - you don't even have to identify the subject of your unrequited love - we know already!" " As long as you keep the payments up we'll keep remotely stalking. What you musn't do of course, is contact us in any way, as that would severe the delicate psychic silver thread binding us to your mental lover. Just keep paying and try not to think about it to much." "One day you'll find that you have forgotten all about when you have more pressing matters to contend with, like having your house repossessed."
When challenged that this scheme looked like a scam, effectively a tax on the stupid, Prof. Clapton bristled "I'll be around to see you. In your head".