Following on from a review of the private care sector in England and Wales, the Quality and Care Commission has announced that it plans to extend its regime of unannounced inspections to include Mutant Academies with on-site boarding facilities.
Professor Charles Xavier, Headmaster and Proprietor of the Xavier School of Gifted Youngsters is particularly concerned that their Summer language school, held in deepest Surrey, could be the first target of inspectors. By implanting thoughts directly into our head, Professor X was able to tell us that for the last few years, “the school has worked hard to get out of the ‘special measures’ imposed when a SWAT team lead by William Stryker attempted to break into the building to kidnap an array of the school’s talented teens”. The online report says that the inspection team found serious deficiencies in terms of fire evacuation practice. There were also serious concerns that on the night of the raid, two unnamed teachers who were meant to be on supervision duty were alleged to have been using Cerebro to find the mutant in the world with the biggest tits. Professor X was keen to stress that, “since then, fire signs have been affixed to every exit from the Danger Room and all teachers have been CRB checked. We have also made all of students' X-Men suits more loose fitting in case they attract the attention of paedophiles”.
However, in the light of wider scandals and the notion of private sector involvement in the care system, Professor X felt that much of their good work went unnoticed. Whilst holding his finger to his left temple and staring at us intently, he commented that “only last week we saw our first non-mutant bursary entrants. These non-mutants are our way of giving back to the local community and I am particularly pleased that Michael Gove has released funds for them to have their own asbestos suits - just in case they accidentally cut in front of Pyro in the lunch queue”.