The Indian Ministry of Communication and Information Technology (IMCIT) announced today that it is to outsource two hundred call-centre jobs to Glasgow.
Earlier contenders Stoke-on-Trent and Merthyr Tydfil were rejected as the IMCIT felt that Glaswegians had a better telephone etiquette, clearer communication skills and a stronger work ethic than their competitors.
A spokesman for IMCIT said, “With prohibitive labour costs everywhere else in Europe, Glasgow came out tip top as the cheapest option. I am absolutely sure that there is still scope for downward negotiation.”
But the move has outraged union officials in Bangalore who are threatening strike action over the loss of jobs. Union leader Gurdip Singh said, “This is very detrimental to the telecoms industry and consumers alike who will have great difficulty understanding the Glasgow dialect. Cheap is not always best as my Aunty used to say.”
The news has however been greeted with much excitement by Glasgow city council. A spokesman for the Lord Provost’s office said, “This is real opportunity for us to celebrate the council’s multi-cultural agenda and it will definitely put us on the map as the call-centre capital of Scotland. Maybe we'll get a twinning?”
There was less enthusiasm outside the Govan Road Job Centre where one job seeker gave his point of view. “I’m definitely not impressed. First off they told me I’d have to go on a crash course in Gujerati and change my name to Ranjit. Then to top it all I’d have to learn about seasonal monsoon patterns across the Indian sub-continent so that I could enter into polite conversation about the weather. Well they can just **** off.”
Another prospective candidate, Jim McManus, an unemployed Philosophy graduate said, “It’s a bit ironic as I went to India in my gap year to find myself and now I'll find myself in Glasgow finding my way through the Bangalore telephone directory.”
The call-centre is due to be opened on the 15th July by Janette Krankie who said “It’s absolutely Fan'dabi'dozi! That's Gujerati for just a second while I put you on hold.”