In a shock revelation last night it was confirmed that Alan Titchmarsh has been leading a double life as his alter ego, Fern Britton. Organisers of the Chipping Camden Floral Society made the amazing discovery which has sent shockwaves through the world of horticulture and women’s institutes up and down the country.
Suspicions were first aroused when the pair were invited to open the annual Chipping Camden Garden Fete. A spokesman for the society said “We received a reply from Fern apologising for not being able to attend due to ‘other commitments’ but it was signed ‘All the best, Alan’. A similar letter received from Alan Titchmarsh was signed ‘With love from Fern’.”
Now, after further research by investigative journalist Nairobi Pilbeam, of The Chipping Camden Advertiser, it has been revealed that the pair have never been seen together in public or in the same studio. “The penny finally dropped when I telephoned Philip Schofield. His initial silence followed by his comment ‘Oh bloody hell, oh shit, oh well it was bound to come out sometime’ confirmed everything.”
Other sources are now revealing one of the best kept showbiz secrets of recent decades. A cameraman for the recently axed Fern Britton tea-time show on Channel 4 commented, “I begged him not to do it but when he let Fern do the splits to boost the ratings the camera copped a bit more than we bargained for. I quickly defocused to prevent a prime time viewing disaster.”
Charlie Dimmock, a long-time associate of Mr Titchmarsh said, “It’s all very sad, I used to be able to get into his old frocks but the gastric band put an end to all that. After that we lost touch.”
The whereabouts of Mr Titchmarsh/Ms Britton were unclear last night and a planned book tour, due to kick off at the Cheltenham Spa Tea Rooms today to promote his new autobiography “A Fern on the Side” has been cancelled until further notice. His agent also refused to comment other than to say that fresh rumours that his client was also the Queen Mother are completely unfounded.