Former Tory peer, Lord Taylor, yesterday failed in his bid to become the first black man, living within the UK, to go their whole life without being jailed at least once.
Speaking to reporters at the conviction after-party, Judge Justice Saunders, who handed Lord Taylor his 12-month sentence, hailed it as an important victory for institutional racism.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got him! It was a long, hard, operation spanning almost 60 years but we’ve finally found a reason to put this man behind bars where he belongs.”
“As you all know, it’s getting more and more difficult to put them in jail nowadays so we’re obviously delighted. As an evangelical university-educated conservative barrister from Oxford, I guess he thought he was home and dry, but he made one crucial mistake – on 21st September 1952. After that, it was only a matter of time.”
Lord Taylor, however, remained upbeat as he was sent down, showing humility and admiration for his betters.
“I’d just like to congratulate ‘the man’ for finally catching me. They’ve tried in past by submitting forged expense claims in my name for all manner of items from hydraulic suspension to rice, peas and medallions. It all became a bit of a game, really.”
He added, “I consider myself a Tory first and a black man second so I can’t have any complaints and thoroughly agree with the verdict.”
When asked if he'd learned his lesson, Lord Taylor was, however, somewhat more defiant. “Well, it’s only 12 months; I’d be looking at five times that if I’d stolen the amount I did from, say, a petrol station. Trust me kids, once you try white-collar crime, you won’t go back.”
