Experts were trumpeting a major breakthrough in modern dating after Suzanne Roberts, a single woman from Nottingham, met and fell for a man she conceded was "not conventionally attractive", but did possess a great sense of humour. Roberts’ recent infatuation occurred soon after the pretty but disillusioned 28-year-old brunette signed up for online dating, and is thought to be the first time the theory that women prioritise a GSOH in finding a life partner has been discovered to work in practice.
The couple got together when the matchmaking website, based on the Suzanne’s key search criteria of a good sense of humour and caring nature, paired her with Alan Stevens, a 34-year-old man with "an encyclopaedic knowledge of Monty Python" who also works part-time in the local Sue Ryder shop as a condition of his receiving Jobseeker’s Allowance benefits. The moment they met, said Suzanne, "was like a dream come true".
The pair agreed to date after a string of emails in which Alan wooed the successful doctor with lengthy verbatim extracts from the films The Meaning of Life, The Life of Brian, and on one notable and spontaneous occasion, The Jabberwocky. Then, prior to an afternoon matinee date to see cult movie the Time Bandits, the couple instantly hit it off, sharing stories of the challenges of introducing modern surgical techniques in an underfunded NHS, and agreeing it was unreasonable of Alan’s mother to charge him quite so much rent for living in the bedroom that has been rightfully his for the past three decades.
Suzanne was also struck that there was more to Alan than a razor-sharp wit, "I knew he was a real joker, but he does have a serious side," she explained. "For example it turns out he wasn’t kidding in his emails about fitting children's clothes, having two lazy eyes and a hump, but I absolutely don’t mind. Between you and me, he could easily have laughed me into bed halfway through his ten minute monologue about the old Pearl & Dean music."
Suzanne confided to close friends that Alan might be ‘the one’, and had been eagerly awaiting their next date, at an upcoming sci-fi convention Alan had mentioned he was keen to attend to show off his home-made Red Dwarf costume.
Immediately before the event her hopes were shattered however, when Alan stopped responding to texts and emails. The reason for his loss of interest in what was his first ever recorded date are unclear, although he was observed to comment in an online Terry Pratchett chat forum that "her tits weren’t big enough".