Middle class couples everywhere were surprised and dismayed to learn that last year was the worst on record for global carbon emissions.
For reasons that are not yet clear, household composting schemes and the diligent separation of glass and cardboard from general refuse could not negate the effect of hundreds of millions of cars and factories spewing 30.6 gigatonnes of CO2 into the atmosphere.
"I just don't understand it," said investment banker Dylon Shepherd. "We've really been pulling all the stops out. The council won't take corrugated cardboard, so once a month I load up the Range Rover and take it down to the recyling centre myself."
Advertising executive and armchair eco-warrior Carol Burge was equally baffled.
"All year I left orange peel lying around instead of buying pot-pourri," she said. "Now I'm wondering if it was even worth the effort."
